Telling Stories

Well the marathon shopping is done leaving two weeks respite before the next one. I doubt three plus hours food shopping is something anyone could enjoy, and to add insult it's embarrassing handing my purse to whoever I'm with so they can rummage for cash. Sometimes it's difficult to be sure what cash I have, and I can't see the till total or hear the till operator, I'm always glad to leave the store.  Back home a cup of tea soon melts the stress, I've got gadgets to stop the kettle spilling and another to prevent the cup overflowing, the latter operates by vibration which is also how my alarm clock works. Trust me a vibrating pad under the pillow would wake the dead.

Sipping the tea I started thinking about life and what it's all about...when the world is silent and semi dark it leaves a lot of time for thoughts. There was a time when I went shopping and everyone would stop to talk to me but nowadays its rare anyone approaches. People smile and wave, I don't see them and walk past and some people are now reluctant to approach knowing the communication difficulties. When my hearing was fading but my vision was fine people would chat ceaselessly to me and I'd bluff my way through conversations pretending I heard every word.  Most people with hearing loss buff but will be loath to admit it.  Rather than asking people to repeat themselves its easier to smile or frown, nod and say things like 'gosh, really, wow, etc. and hope we've said them in the right places. I've lost count of the times someone has been chattering away to me leaving me struggling to guess what on earth they were talking about. Thankfully, my skill of nodding and muttering must've worked because few people ever realised, I was growing profoundly deaf and their conversations were meaningless to me. 

Most of us bluff through certain things in life. We disguise emotions, pretend to be brave and act strong because we don't want to appear weak especially to the people who depend on us. Sometimes we honestly believe ourselves that it's just bluffing when in truth it's not, most of us are far stronger than we realise or give ourselves credit for. Things happen in life that can't be changed and no amount of wishing or regret can undo them. Past events, loss, misunderstandings, cruel treatment, acquired disability, they can all induce feelings of failure and helplessness, I learned these lessons the hard way. We could go through our entire life asking why, why me, why did that happen, why did someone do this to me, what did I do wrong...There's no answer, never is. It's what distinguishes people from being survivors or victims and life is about survival. When sad things happen and we retreat into ourselves and suffer that well of self pity. There's nothing wrong with self-pity really provided it's recognised and doesn't become the focus. Being vulnerable is something so many of us suffer from but there comes a time when we either give in to vulnerability or decide whatever happened to make us so cannot control everything. Physical and mental disabilities including depression and stress cause so many different symptoms and results. Expecting everyone to respond the same would be ridiculous. What we can learn from each other, and life is, that we cannot undo things, when life changes dramatically we can all decide to adapt, learn to love who we still are and learn other ways of doing things. They say we can't love and understand others until we love ourselves, and that means acceptance. Once we accept ourselves, we can teach others how to accept us too regardless of limitations and differences...