Telling Stories

There's always those sort of days when life is good. Days that appear comparatively normal doing the simple things that ordinary people do, getting out and about spending time with family and laughing at silly things or just laughing for the sake of it.  Without laughter and communication with other humans life becomes intolerable. .

There's always the other sort of days too and those are the ones that seem to be growing more frequent, days where simply existing replaces living. Where finding a reason and the strength to remain optimistic against the odds is a challenge and a half.  Life should be treasured life and blessings counted, but there are times when even the strongest grow weary, when the odds are stacked high against us and when the simplest thing becomes a struggle to far. 

Last week was full of days like that.

Thousands will identify with the frustration of being at the mercy of the welfare system where basic things can't be replaced, where we do without because there's no alternative and we sit silently praying nothing else breaks down and needs replaced any time soon. Then there's bills, fuel, food and all the rest and for many the only option is to borrow from credit companies some of which charge triple the cost of goods. These are the things that are familiar to so many people today. But for those like me there's added complications when certain bills can't be met on time. For example internet/phone companies.  BT offer a service for disabled people whereby the service for phone/net can be kept open in cases of late payments, other companies are not so understanding. Mine isn't despite being a long standing customer services are cut leaving me with no means at all to contact the world outside, to add insult to injury most companies charge a £10 late payment fee which can add up to £120 per year for someone who can only pay bills on time if they match benefit payment days. Days without access to anything is horrendous particularly when alone. Families can't always be on hand and if they are it's difficult to ask or expect the level of help I need on bad days. Voluntary work is dependent on guide services and the stability of my limited sight, its been quite unstable recently, it means when alone as I am increasingly more often nowadays I can't type for more than a few minutes at a time and some days not at all, with almost no ability to do anything constructively and no means to get out, no company or any means of communication with the outside world. 

I suppose it would be difficult for most to imagine my world on bad days and weeks. Unable to cook properly, read, write, contact family, visit friends, go for a walk or even undertake mundane tasks such as ironing. The restrictions are endless but the isolation is worse.

Sometimes the only escape is to sleep or attempt to sleep. Life is so precious and should be lived not frittered away alone and cut off from the world.  Retaining the belief that things will get better is vital and completely losing that faith isn't an option, but sometimes keeping optimism in a system that doesn't see the needs of the vulnerable and turns a blind eye to calls for help is almost impossible...