2nd January 2012

I haven't seen one of my daughters and my son since Christmas and miss them greatly. They only life a few miles away yet it might as well be on the moon. I can't use the phone to speak to them, all conversations are three way which can be annoying for the third party involved. If there's no one on hand the only means of communication I have is via the PC. Unfortunately my daughter doesn't have internet connection, when she phoned me our conversation was limited to me yelling 'how are you?' and 'love you' into the hand set held by my youngest daughter.

Visiting my children is a rare event, travelling a few miles might seem easy but I can't use public transport and depend on taxi's instead. DLA is supposed to cover additional expenses b ut despite being registered blind and deaf I was advised not to submit a claim for higher rate DLA at this particular time. A simple outing can cost in access of £25 which can pose a big problem. Instead I wait for my children to visit me, with young families, work commitments and all the rest it can sometimes cause problems.

Being dependent on benefits is a humiliating thing. Benefits don't make allowance for birthday's and Christmas's and with a large family it seems every month has one or more events to cater for. Being though of as a stingy grandma who never buys gifts is a horrid prospect, sadder still is the fact I simply can't understand a thing most of my grandchildren say. Benefits don't cover redecoration, or refurnishing, hiring decorators is an expensive business at the best of times and the same applies to gardening. The simple things we used to be able to afford to pay people to do or do ourselves are out of reach.

I suppose I shouldn't complain. I'm loved and know it despite my increasing limitations I'm not down and out or beaten yet and tomorrow is another day...